Matthew 26:69-75

“But Peter sat without in the court: and there came to him a servant maid, saying: ‘Thou also wast with Jesus the Galilean.’ But he denied before them all, saying: ‘I know not what thou sayest.’ And as he went out of the gate, another maid saw him, and she saith to them that were there: ‘This man also was with Jesus of Nazareth.’ And again he denied with an oath: ‘I know not the man.’ And after a little while they came that stood by, and said to Peter: ‘Surely thou also art one of them; for even thy speech doth discover thee.’ Then he began to curse and to swear that he knew not the man. And immediately the cock crew. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus which he had said: ‘Before the cock crow, thou wilt deny me thrice.’ And going forth, he wept bitterly.”

While the blows the Lord endured at the hands of the chief priests bruised His face, the denial of St. Peter struck deep in His Heart, for a grave wound of betrayal by a spouse or a dear friend cuts far deeper than rejection from someone that one barely knows: “Will a virgin forget her ornament, or a bride her stomacher? But my people hath forgotten me days without number” (Jeremias 2:32). St. Peter rapidly begins to buckle, he who had drawn a sword to defend Jesus before, upon seeing what Jesus was enduring at the hands of the chief priests, then cannot stand up even to a servant girl: “Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I am weak: heal me, O Lord, for my bones are troubled” (Psalm 6:3). He denies Jesus, showing that he was not in fact ready to die for love: “Yea, thou I should die with thee, I will not deny thee” (Matthew 26:35), which was permitted that you can see to never trust in your own strength, instead trusting in the loving hand of God, which is the Holy Spirit: “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand shall embrace me” (Canticle 2:6), for the child that tries to be the head of the family is cute at best and therefore can only receive, but on the other hand insults their parents’ love by not trusting in their aid, and thus it is with your heavenly Father: “Amen I say to you, unless you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3), that you should always rely on His help to carry you, that love will be your anchor and guide: “And seeing the star they rejoiced with exceeding great joy” (Matthew 2:10). After this first denial is the first cock crow: “But he denied, saying: ‘I neither know nor understand what thou sayest.’ And he went forth before the court; and the cock crew” (Mark 14:68), which is indicative of the sting of conscience, a pinprick that brings the Beloved and His tastes to mind that you may turn back to Him and His merciful love: “Return to me, saith the Lord, and I will receive thee” (Jeremias 3:1). He then rises and returns, with the people at the fire discussing his presence before confirming him to be one of Jesus’ disciples, whereupon Peter takes an oath and denies Him yet again, with an outright separation from the person of Jesus, which is representative of those that deny Christ or their Christian title before others, which in truth is a crown of dignity for the soul: “Come from Libanus, my spouse, come from Libanus, come: thou shalt be crowned from the top of Amana, from the top of Sanir and Hermon” (Canticle 4:8), but is treated as worthless by those that are scared to profess or live their faith before others: “The crown is fallen from our head woe to us, because we have sinned” (Lamentations 5:16). An hour passes: “And after the space, as it were of one hour” (Luke 22:59) before a man notes his accent and native pronunciation and proclaims him to be one of Jesus’ followers. Now, St. Peter at this time was not among the other Apostles, but rather among strangers, and in this is a lesson, that just as sugar is an excellent preservative for fruit, so too is good, holy company the best preservative of purity of heart: “Be continually with a holy man, whomsoever thou shalt know to observe the fear of God” (Ecclesiasticus 37:15), whereas immodest company can quickly sink the heart, which so desires communion and to be among peers, into immodest behavior, words, and thinking: “He that toucheth pitch, shall be defiled with it: and he that hath fellowship with the proud, shall put on pride” (Ecclesiasticus 13:1). Minister to those without, Theophila: “Teach ye all nations; baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost” (Matthew 29:19), but make your strengthening company those who are zealous for God as well: “If thou wouldst get a friend, try him before thou takest him, and do not credit him easily” (Ecclesiasticus 6:7), for mutual lovers of God plant flames of love in each other’s hearts, raising each other higher and climbing the mountain of divine love in pairs or groups: “And he called the twelve; and began to send them two and two” (Mark 6:7), whereas the lone coal quickly grows cold, not strengthened by the love that is found in community, which is the greatest guard of chastity: “For where there are two or three gathered in my name, there am I in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20). There is an escalation in St. Peter’s denials, rising from a dismissal to an oath to a bevy of cursing, wherein is seen that sin grows like cancer, and to willfully commit small sins can weaken the will into greater ones, whereas to always seek the greatest act of love you can do in any given moment keeps your blade sharp: “If the iron be blunt, and be not as before, but be made blunt, with much labour it shall be sharpened” (Ecclesiastes 10:10). There can also be a threefold escalation in the dragging down of your soul from its lofty perch in the Heart of Jesus, for following desire rather than the glory of God is the first denial: “If any man will follow me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Mark 8:34), which then weakens the will into delighting in nonspiritual things: “Forsake [wisdom] not, and she shall keep thee: love her, and she shall preserve thee” (Proverbs 4:6); “I say then, walk in the spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lusts of the flesh” (Galatians 5:16), at which point the soul is an open door to the infiltrations of the enemy: “Then he goeth and taketh with him seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and entering in they dwell there. And the last state of that man becomes worse than the first” (Luke 11:26). Or, the threefold denial of Jesus can be seen in erroneous doctrines, who either deny or do not appreciate the divinity of Jesus, instead thinking Him to be a guru, a teacher, or anything less than the most sublime of all beings become man, or are in error about His humanity, for in trying to reach for the sublimity of the divinity without His sacred humanity is error: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No man cometh to the Father, but by me” (John 14:6), for the person of Jesus is infinitely loveable, being Himself Infinite Love, and to pass around Him for another way is to leave the narrow bridge that leads to life: “If any man love not our Lord Jesus Christ, let him be anathema, maranatha” (1 Corinthians 16:22), and the third error is both of these together. Finally, the cock crow, in addition to being the aforementioned sting of conscience, can be the teaching of the Doctors of the Church, for if Sacred Scripture is the greatest of treasures, itself containing the words of God: “If thou shalt seek her as money, and shalt dig for her as for a treasure: then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and shalt find the knowledge of God” (Proverbs 2:4-5), then the Doctors are the chest that keep it from spilling over the floor in a mess to be trodden on: “Stand in the multitude of ancients that are wise, and join thyself from thy heart to their wisdom, that thou mayst hear every discourse of God, and the sayings of praise may not escape thee” (Ecclesiasticus 6:35). It was not just the rooster, however, that pulled forth tears of contrition from St. Peter, and it is not just the teaching of the Doctors that draw one to true contrition, but he looked on the face of Jesus: “And the Lord turning looked on Peter” (Luke 22:61), and so too are the Doctors not the end of the life of grace, but a true love of the Savior, and thus they help turn your heart back to Him and bind yourself to Him all the more perfectly: “I held him: and I will not let him go” (Canticle 3:4). Furthermore, it is painful to Jesus to see you wandering in darkness, be it of sin, denial, or error, and thus He calls you to repentance by a look of love, which spurred St. Peter to leave the company of sinful men and wash his heart with tears: “I have laboured in my groanings, every night I will wash my bed: I will water my couch with my tears” (Psalm 6:7). Finally, in this is a lesson in mercy, Theophila, that to weep in contrition is for a short time, just as the mass contains three mea culpa’s before moving into the sacred celebration, and so too did St. Peter not remain in his weeping, but after mending His relationship with Jesus quickly bloomed as a bright beacon for the early Church and is one of the greatest, most loving, most courageous, most fruitful saints in Church history: “They therefore that received his word, were baptized; and there were added in that day about three thousand souls” (Acts 2:41). Therefore, be like a child, Theophila, who may fall and scuff the knee, but after a kiss and a Band-Aid is back up and running with joy.