“I have laboured in my groanings, every night I will wash my bed: I will water my couch with my tears. My eye is troubled through indignation: I have grown old amongst all my enemies. Depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity: for the Lord hath heard the voice of my weeping. The Lord hath heard my supplication: the Lord hath received my prayer. Let all my enemies be ashamed, and be very much troubled: let them be turned back, and be ashamed very speedily.”
In laboring in groaning and washing one’s bed with tears is revealed the one who, seeing the gravity of their sin, cannot lift themselves out of it: “I stick fast in the mire of the deep: and there is no sure standing” (Psalm 68:3). External tears represent the inward washing of the heart, for in true contrition one’s heart is brought humbly back into God’s loving arms. This also shows the necessity of grace, for it is impossible to escape sin without the grace of the sacraments: “For by grace you are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, for it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). Therefore, the graces of the sacraments of the Mass and confession are necessary stops for the soul that weeps for their sins, that there may be a kiss of love to repair the bad love that was displayed. The Psalmist then describes their eye being troubled through indignation, and this is the movements of the angels prodding the soul to love: “Fear seized upon me, and trembling, and all my bones were affrighted: and when a spirit passed before me, the hair of my flesh stood up” (Job 4:14-15), for the angels act to draw the soul deeper into love, sometimes by a rather deafening voice: “And I saw seven angels standing in the presence of God; and there were given to them seven trumpets” (Apocalypse 8:2). Or this can mean that when your soul is far from truth, it is deeply troubled, for the truth is beautiful and therefore will draw you more into love: “My son, hearken to my words, and incline thy ear to my sayings… for they are life to those that find them, and health to all flesh” (Proverbs 4:20-22). Therefore the Lord exhorts: “Stand in the multitude of ancients that are wise,” in love, “and join thyself from thy heart to their wisdom, that thou mayst hear every discourse of God, and the sayings of praise may not escape thee” (Ecclesiasticus 6:35), for truth is a healing balm that opens the eye of understanding to the beautiful light of God’s ways: “Well ordered words are as a honeycomb: sweet to the soul, and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24). What follows is an admittance of “growing old amongst my enemies.” Now, the enemies of your soul are the world, the flesh, and the devil; each one of these wearies the pure love in your soul in their own way; thus it “grows old,” that is, fatigued, fragile, slow, and uninspired. Thus, you are called to war against these forces, with a lively spirit of love: “The just shall shine, and shall run to and fro like sparks among the reeds” (Wisdom 3:7), and declare boldly that their influence may depart from you, for Jesus has seen the tears of your contrition and now calls you to love and battle: “She took off her haircloth, and put away the garments of her widowhood, and she washed her body, and anointed herself with the best ointment, and plaited the hair of her head, and put a bonnet upon her head, and clothed herself with the garments of her gladness” (Judith 10:2-3); “Judge thou, O Lord, them that wrong me: overthrow them that fight against me. Take hold of arms and shield: and rise up to help me” (Psalm 34:1-2). Pray, then, confident that your Abba hears you and receives your prayers, for when you pray for what is conducive to the love of God and neighbor, He will not hesitate to shower these same graces upon you and others: “He heard my voice from his holy temple: and my cry before him came into his ears… He bowed the heavens and came down: and darkness was under his feet” (Psalm 17:7, 10). This same grace will make you a radiant, shining light: “You are the light of the world” (Matthew 5:14); “Who is she that cometh forth as the morning rising, fair as the moon, bright as the sun, terrible as an army set in array?” (Song 6:9), that will make your enemies ashamed or troubled, for many, in the presence of the love of God, are inflamed with hate, displeasure, or shame, depending on their reaction to the truth of God: “For every one that doth evil hateth the light, and cometh not to the light, that his works may not be reproved” (John 3:20). However, this is akin to uncovering a wound that it may be treated, for all of these are symptoms of a lack of love in their heart, and when you plant love where there is no love, you can draw out love: “And they shall spring up among the herbs, as willows beside the running waters” (Isaias 44:4). Likewise, it is said of St. Catherine of Siena, that she would walk down the street and demons would be exorcised, such was her love. Finally, the power of fleshly desires melts before true love: “Unhappy man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death? The grace of God, by Jesus Christ our Lord” (Romans 7:24-25). Therefore, all three of these enemies stumble before divine love, of which you are a beautiful vessel: “As smoke vanisheth, so let them vanish away: as wax melteth before the fire, so let the wicked perish at the presence of God” (Psalm 67:3). Love, pray, and walk in truth: “In nowise speak against the truth” (Ecclesiasticus 4:30); “I was exceeding glad, that I found of thy children walking in truth, as we have received a commandment from the Father” (2 John 1:4), that all that would inhibit your love may scatter like shadows in the noonday sun: “Shew me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou liest in the midday” (Song 1:6).